The Chess Pieces: A rambling tale of coming home again

School's Mate in Four



The Chess Pieces

A rambling tale of cities, lifelong friends met traveling,

and coming home again.

 

Boston 1970s

The  musty old house had deep closets hidden behind the hanging clothes and secret staircases that led from the kitchen to the basement. The kids in the neighborhood talked about the haunted house at the end of the block and the little old lady a street over who was a witch.

I was a California kid and things such as witches and ghosts were not part of my childhood. But my summer visits to my father in Boston were infused with a sense of mysticism.

New England was a foreign land to me. I spent the days running around with the neighborhood kids from morning until dark. They taught my brother and me how to play new games, such as Capture the Flag and Kick the Can.

I felt like I was learning a new language, as well, deciphering what these kids were saying with their thick accents and slang words I’d never heard, such as “wicked cool” (pronounced  wicket). They told me I was the one with an accent, and called me “Wonder Woman from Paradise Island” after they learned I lived in a California city called Paradise.

As much fun as my brother and I had outside, something magical awaited us indoors. My father had a large, square table set low to the ground where he kept a giant chess set. The pieces were 6” high and the board was made of black-and-white squares of fur.

On rainy summer days in Boston — and there were plenty of them — my brother and I played chess with the giant pieces. At first, we were enchanted by the unique chess set, but ultimately we fell in love with the game itself.

 

The Bourgeois Pig, Hollywood 1991

A gothic coffee house on Franklin Boulevard in Los Angeles became one of my favorite places to play chess in college.

It sported ornate mirrors against blue walls and a ceiling covered in glowing configurations of constellations and the moon. My memory might be wrong, but I seem to remember it was either across the street or near the huge, mysterious Scientology mansion.

The Bourgeois Pig was not a coffee shop you frequented to read. The black light gave us just enough light to see our pieces, with the white ones glowing an eerie purple color. At night, you could barely see the ornate, velvet furniture and chandeliers in the dim interior.

One night, shortly after I met my future brother-in-law, we were hanging out at the Bourgeois Pig and he challenged me to a game. I think he thought he was a pretty good player, and my boyfriend (future husband) sat back with a knowing smile watching us set up the pieces.

My opponent seemed pretty smug, so in a mean-spirited move I whipped out my Four-Move win. (I don’t know what it is really called, but that’s what I have always called it.) It worked. I suspect he is still confounded by that win twenty years later.

 

Todos Santos Beach in Baja, California 1992

 The hot sandy beach overlooking the rollicking surf seemed like the perfect place to set up our little orange tent.

After I graduated from college and had nothing to look forward to except my waitressing job in East L.A., my boyfriend and I packed up my little Dodge Colt and headed to Mexico. We decided to spend a month camping along the beaches, reading, making love, and playing chess.

We navigated muddy, swampy campgrounds, car-size potholes on shoulder-less roads, and crater-size rocks tumbling down hillsides to make it to Todos Santos.

The huge waves made it an ideal spot for surfers — or in our case, a place to watch surfers. For the first few days, we broke out our chess set and played until we got hot and needed to cool off in the waves.

One night that was a bit chilly, our neighbors had a roaring bonfire that seemed particularly inviting and my outgoing boyfriend walked over and asked if we could join them. They were artists from Vancouver. She was a set designer for the X Files and he made exquisite metal and wood furniture. He surfed, too. They were about a decade older than us and unbelievably cool.

My boyfriend and I wondered why they would want to hang out with dumb kids like us.

Twenty years of friendship later, we still wonder that. At the time, we did not know how powerful friendships made when traveling can be.

After a few days, our month was just about up, so we exchanged addresses with our super cool friends, packed up our orange tent and little chessboard, and headed back to civilization.

 

 

Barcelona, Spain 1993

The Gothic Quarter in Barcelona is comprised of narrow streets dotted with bakeries where we bought our daily bread, wine stores for our daily bottle, meat shops for our cold cuts, and produce shops for our Spanish oranges.

 Our pension was cheap, friendly, and featured small, ornate, metal balconies overlooking the streets. It was centrally located, near the beach, Las Ramblas, and the Gothic Cathedral.

 One night my boyfriend came up to our room, where I was already asleep and woke me, saying, “Kristi, I just met the two coolest guys. I’ve never met anyone more like me in my life.”

“Who cares, I’m sleeping,” I said grumpily.

The next day I met Matt and Mike, two guys who had just graduated from Boston Latin and were — like us — on an extended backpacking trip through Europe.

I hated to admit it, but my boyfriend was right. These guys were cool. We became fast friends. They soon became part of our little traveling posse.

Earlier in our travels, we had already picked up an American named John in Nice. On the train, we met Ash, who was on a three-day weekend from Oxford. After he met us and hung out with us awhile, he said, “Screw my job. I’m going to Barcelona with you guys.”

Our gang spent our days lounging on the topless beaches or visiting Gaudi’s architectural gems. We spent our afternoons either cursing because we had forgotten to eat before all the shops closed down for siesta, or munching on the snacks we had fortified ourselves with and playing chess on our balconies.

Needless to say, we spent our nights drinking and carousing on the Ramblas, including one night when the city won the Futball championship and we joined the throngs of thousands of Spaniards with looped arms singing and drinking on the Ramblas. The streets were literally wet with alcohol that night.

 

Minneapolis, Minnesota 1995

A smoky chain restaurant in the Minneapolis suburbs became my next frequent venue for my on-and-off again love affair with chess.

While I was working as a reporter at a small weekly newspaper, I often had to cover late meetings after work. It was never worth driving all the way back home just for an hour or two, so I would often play chess at a coffee shop with one of the other reporters. We would smoke and drink coffee and hone our chess game.

As I started to fall back in love with the game, I remembered how much I loved that giant chess set my father had in Boston. I called him to ask about it. He now lived in Colorado and told me he had sold the set at a garage sale not long before I called. I was crushed. I began to ask around about giant chess pieces like that and never found any. Many years later when the Internet became popular, I even searched for something similar, but had no luck. I had never really told anyone about that chess set except my boyfriend (now husband).

 

Monterey, California 1998

 Our tiny little apartment on David Avenue boasted occasional views of the ocean and frequent sounds of the hordes of barking seals that had taken a wrong turn one summer on their way to San Francisco. Hundreds of happy, frolicking brown seals overflowed the Monterey harbor. The seals took over piers, beaches, and shallow coves much to the delight of the tourists who held their breath so they didn’t have to breathe the acidic prevalent smell of seal pee and could take a few snapshots to bring back home to the Midwest.

The day we moved into our Monterey apartment, we became friends with our downstairs neighbor, a Bulgarian artist specializing in etchings but making a living painting and selling religious icons on monastery wood to tourists.

We immediately had a special bond with Toma and consider him family to this day. Toma taught us many things, including what a really good chess player is like. But he also taught us what a European meal was really about: hours and hours of eating.

He would patiently instruct us on the intricacies of the dance:

“First, you must eat a little.” (And here he would demonstrate by taking a small bite and chewing it with a gleam of pleasure in his eyes.) “Then you drink a little,” he would say, raising his chilled vodka to his mouth. “ Then n you smoke a little,” he would say taking a long drag off his cigarette. “Then you talk a little.”

After a few minutes of conversation, we were back to square one: “Then you eat a little.”

Our American habit of wolfing down our food was frowned upon and we ended up at his apartment below us for a good eight-hour stretch of dinnertime. It was a bit forced upon us, as he would only bring out one dish every hour or so.

We became close with Toma. Maybe partly because there were no secrets between us. He could hear our every move. And likewise. I remember once he went to Bulgaria on vacation and I missed the sound of his snoring at night.

My favorite memory of Toma is probably his worst memory of us. We had returned from a week long vacation and met him downstairs. He looked like he had been to hell and back. He had deep dark circles under his eyes and looked haggard.

“Toma, what on earth is wrong?”

He just looked at me. “Your alarm,” he said like a zombie. Then he turned and walked away, presumably to go get some sleep.

My husband, who worked the early morning shift at UPS, had forgotten to turn off his alarm while we were gone and so every morning at 3 a.m. — for a week — it began blaring and then stayed that way for several hours.

And, of course, we also played chess with Toma, who was one of the first players to really challenge me in years.

Soon, we began having chess parties in our small apartment. We used wooden TV trays as tables and everyone brought their own boards. We invited a friend of ours who was a music producer in Carmel Valley. He walked in one day and saw about five games going on, which took up every square inch of our apartment and said,

“I couldn’t believe it when you said you were having a chess party, but you really are. That’s so cool.”

 

Oakland, California 2001

 Oakland gets a bad rap. Some of the most stunningly beautiful neighborhoods I’ve ever seen are in Oakland. Our place in Oakland was on the fourth floor of a 100-year-old house and we had views of Lake Merritt, which was a block away and the Oakland downtown skyline.

 San Francisco, where we would hang out with our friend John (the one we met in Nice) was just a hop, skip, and a jump away. But I loved Oakland more, mainly because of the sunshine and perfect God country climate!

By opening up two facing windows, we received the most delicious breeze I’ve ever felt in my life and the golden beams of sunlight that filtered into that small studio space were remarkable.

Friends would visit us in our 400-square-foot space and looking around at our bed pressed up against our couch, say, “Wow, you guys must really like each other.”

We would have friends over for dinner and squish into the main room. After eating, the parties that involved bongo drums, guitars, and singing would last until morning. We had to ask people to leave so we could go to sleep.

One day we got a call from our friend Matt, whom we had met in Barcelona. We had visited him in Boston and managed to keep in touch with him and Mike, who will always be special friends.

Matt was calling to tell us that he and a friend were embarking on a road trip across the country and wanted to stop in Oakland to see us.

We were ecstatic.

The day Matt arrived; he came bearing a gift for me. He lugged it up four flights of stairs: a giant plastic bag that looked like it was about to rip from the weight of the contents. I was at a loss as to what the gift could possibly be.

Then I peered inside. They were black and white chess pieces. Six-inch high ones. Just like my father’s set from when I was a child in Boston. Just like the set I had tried to replace, but never found.

Immediately, I wanted to know where he had bought them. They were obviously used and at first I kept thinking of the connection — Matt lived in Boston, my father was from Boston, and that is where I first played with pieces like that. I expected him to tell me that he had bought them somewhere in Boston, but then he said he had picked them up at a thrift store along the way. In a small town in Colorado. In a little town fifteen miles from where my father now lived. Fifteen miles from the garage sale where my father had sold his chess pieces that looked just like these.

You can spend the rest of your life trying to convince me otherwise, but I know deep down inside — those are the same pieces I played with as a child. Somehow, they made it back to me. Back home.

 

Now I just need to find a fur board that fits them!

Categories: The Writing Life | 6 Comments

The Daily Beast Tells Us How to Get Smarter!

 

NOTE: I loved this so much I wanted to share it in its entirety. Something was goofy in the numbering, though, so the tips aren’t numbered. Enjoy.

31 Ways To Get Smarter In 2012

Read stuff. Learn new languages. Master chess. Zone out. Getting a bigger brain is easier—and more fun—than you think.

The Daily Beast

www.thedailybeast.com

Dec. 30, 2011

Play Words with Friends Alec Baldwin is onto some-thing. Research shows word puzzles can help reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s and dementia, so don’t feel guilty whiling away time with the popular smartphone game. Just make sure to turn it off when you fly…

Eat Tumeric A common spice in Indian and Thai curries, this gingerlike root contains curcumin, which may reduce the risk of dementia. Just be tidy: in India, it is also used as an orange-yellow dye.

Take Tae Kwon Do Or dance. Or play squash. Look for an activity that raises your heart rate and requires a lot of coordination, says John J. Ratey, author of Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain. Even homebodies should be able to find a brain-boosting sport with interactive-game technologies like Microsoft Kinect and Nintendo Wii Fit.

Get News from Al Jazeera Don’t shut yourself out from new ideas. A 2009 study found that viewers of Al Jazeera English were more open-minded than people who got their news from CNN International and BBC World.

Toss Your Smartphone Like, in the garbage: constantly checking your email disrupts focus and saps pro- ductivity. And go offline from time to time by installing Freedom, Internet-blocking software that lets you concentrate on the task at hand.

Sleep. A Lot. Take a nap, then get to bed early. Harvard research has shown your brain continues to process memories even after you’ve gone to sleep, so you can recall them better later.

Download the TED App The world’s greatest minds gather annually at TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) conferences to explore the cutting edge of issues like brain mapping and prenatal intelligence. If you can’t attend, download the TED app for iOS and Android.

Go to a Literary Festival Are Los Angeles, Wales, and Jaipur places you’ve always wanted to visit? Well, they all have major annual book festivals, so buy a ticket at the right time and learn a thing or two from big-shot authors like Tom Stoppard and Jennifer Egan as you travel.

Build a ‘Memory Palace’ A trick for quick recall: associate the thing you want to remember with a vivid image. You may not have the patience to build a “memory palace,” but at least get a sense of such techniques by reading Joshua Foer’s Moonwalking With Einstein: The Art and Science of Remembering Everything.

Learn a LanguageMastering a second language gives a workout to your prefrontal cortex, which affects decision making and emotions. Enroll in a class, embed in deepest Sichuan province, or simply pick up Rosetta Stone software and teach yourself Latin.

Eat Dark ChocolateIt might not boost your IQ overnight, but dark chocolate is reported to have memory-improving flavonoids. And go ahead and pair it with a glass of red wine—another great flavonoid source.

Join a Knitting Circle Whip out the needles and make an awesome scarf. Refining motor ability can bolster cognitive skills. Plus—it’ll keep you warm this winter.

Wipe the Smile Off Your Face Experiments have shown that the simple act of frowning makes you more skeptical and analytic in your thinking.

Play Violent VideogamesYes, you read that right. Various studies have found that videogames quicken reactions, improve multitasking, and reduce hostile feelings after a stressful task. So check out one of this winter’s hot sellers—Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim or Batman: Arkham Asylum.

Follow These People on TwitterNouriel Roubini (@Nouriel): Take in his economic genius—and friend him on Facebook to see photos of his playboy lifestyle. Jad Abumrad (@JadAbumrad): His show “Radiolab” is the smartest guide to science and philosophy on the airwaves.Colson Whitehead (@colsonwhitehead): The acclaimed novelist is just as insightful and funny in 140 characters.

Eat Yogurt Probiotics are good for your stomach, but studies on mice suggest they are good for your brain, too: mice who ate them handled anxiety better and showed increased activity in sections of the brain handling emotions and memory.

Install SuperMemoIf you want to commit something to memory, the best time to recall it is the instant before you forget it. The flashcard program SuperMemo helps you catalog that important new data—and then reminds you to remember it at that perfect moment before it slips away.

See a Shakespeare PlayReading the Bard has been shown to engage the brain more actively than most contemporary texts, but watching him can’t hurt either. This winter, go see Titus Andronicus in New York City or The Two Gentlemen of Verona in Washington, D.C.

Refine Your ThinkingThe brain has two distinct modes of thought, according to Daniel Kahneman, author of Thinking, Fast and Slow. System 1 is fast and automatic; System 2 is slower and more effortful. Understand these two systems, Kahneman argues, and we may be able to detect our own lazy biases and make better choices.

Hydrate Sure, every doctor and trainer tells you this, and we will too: dehydration forces the brain to work harder and may dampen its planning ability.

Check Out iTunes U Just because you don’t live in Princeton doesn’t mean you can’t audit an Ivy League course. Top-tier schools put their lectures online at iTunes U in everything from ancient philosophy to astrophysics

Visit MoMa Not only does it make you look smart, but viewing art has been shown to reduce stress, letting you focus on the things that really matter. This year’s must-see shows include Damien Hirst at the Tate Modern (April 4) and Cindy Sherman at MoMa (Feb. 26).

Play an Instrument Strum chords, tickle the ivories, play a jug. Learning an instrument boosts IQ and increases activity in parts of the brain controlling memory and coordination.

Write By Hand Remember what that feels like? Brain scans show that handwriting engages more sections of the brain than typing. Bonus brain boost: it’s easier to remember something once you’ve written it down on paper.

The Pomodoro Technique This time-management method has nothing to do with pasta, but aims to make you productive using nothing more than a kitchen timer. Use it to help work in 25-minute blocks, taking a short break after each; the frequent rests aid mental agility.

Zone Out Let your mind wander. A string of studies suggests that zoning out, especially when you don’t consciously realize you’re doing it, allows the brain to work on important “big picture” thinking.

Drink Coffee And don’t just drink one cup: women who drank four cups of coffee a day were less likely to suffer depression than women who drank just one cup a week. Other studies have shown coffee to bolster short-term memory.

Delay Gratification Studies have found that children who were able to resist a marshmallow placed in front of them turned out, years later, to have higher SAT scores than students who snatched it up. The more successful children didn’t necessarily have a natural gift for patience; they controlled their attention by focusing on something else, like singing a song.

Become an Expert Master one task you really enjoy and your brain will perform more efficiently when you do it. Chess whizzes, for example, recognize patterns more quickly than amateurs. Expertise is not innate—practice, as the old saw goes, does make perfect.

Write Reviews Online Anyone can be a critic on the Internet—and you should too. When you like or hate something, review it on Amazon, Yelp, whatever. Typing out your opinion will help you to better understand your own thinking.

Get Out of Town Life in a big city can drive you to distraction, writes science journalist Jonah Lehrer. Spending just a few minutes on a crowded street impairs memory and self-control, as your brain processes all the stimuli. So plan a weekend getaway: getting in touch with nature helps the brain to recover.

 

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Books & Flicks January Part I

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 BOOKS

 Books & Flicks Note: I am not a book or movie reviewer. And I don’t strive to be one. It would take all the pleasure out of reading and watching movies for me. I must admit this is much like notes I might jot in my journal. My intent is to briefly summarize what I’ve read and watched and maybe inspire someone else to pick up the same books or watch the same movies that I enjoyed.

A Wild Surge of Guilty Passion

By Ron Hansen

This book was based on a sensational murder case from the 1920s in which a disgruntled housewife cons her salesman lover into murder.

Ruth Gray weaves a deadly web with her beauty and sexual proclivities that sends her married lover over the deep end.

The lover, Judd Gray, kills Ruth’s husband.

But the murder is so sloppy that Ruth and Judd end up convicted and sentenced to die. The book ends with Ruth in the electric chair.

A well-told tale that is depressing in showing the seedy side of life and how a glamorous, exciting love affair goes deadly wrong.

 

The Tiger’s Wife

By Tea Obreht

I wonder if some of the popularity of this book is simply because she so succinctly gives us insight into the Balkan war-torn world in an entertaining way.

A series of stories bordering on folk tales remembered by a young female doctor who is at the same time remembering her late grandfather’s life.

Interestingly enough, I read that Tea Obreht, although born in Belgrade in 1985, moved before the war took hold. She landed in the United States before she was 12.

Because she didn’t actually experience the events she writes about, she has been lauded for her ability to write about them as if she had.

 

Plot & Structure

by James Scott Bell

Slowly reading this, doing the exercises and taking notes.

 

The Long Goodbye

by Raymond Chandler

I’m a bit embarrassed to confess this was my first Raymond Chandler book. What on earth was I thinking? I should have read him years ago.

He is such a master of the genre.

Now my sole goal this week is to buy up every second-hand copy of his books I can find and then devour them, study them, mark them up and treasure them.

 

MOVIES

I haven’t had time to watch very many movies.

I did catch these:

Murder, My Sweet

Based on a Raymond Chandler book. Again, this shows why he is the master. Some of the one-liners: She had a face like a bucket of mud.

 

Certified Copy

I adored this movie, which has been compared to Before Sunset.

I love Juliette Binoche. This mind bender movie had me pondering what was reality and fantasy in what I was watching, but I ultimately decided that it didn’t matter and just enjoyed the movie for what it was.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Midnight in Paris

Fun movie. Before viewing this, I made a point to  avoid any reviews. Even so, I couldn’t escape the hype. I hate to admit that I was disappointed this film didn’t move me more. But it was entertaining and lovely to watch. Who wouldn’t want to see every scene set in Paris with parts of it during the 20s and then a portion of the Belle Epoque. Costumes and sets were amazing.

 

Worst Line: I’m fairly certain that Adriana, played by Marion Cotillard made a huge faux pas. But then I wonder if it was a mistake since the directors and editors obviously let it stay. She is from the 20s in this movie and during one scene she travels to the Belle Epoque era and is offered a job modeling costumes (I think that is what the offer was). Anyway, it is a dream come true for her. Her response? Worst line: “Oh my God.”

 

Best Line: Owen Wilson’s fiancee’s father doesn’t like him and calls him a communist. When the couple breaks up, Owen leaves. As the door closes behind him, the father says, “Say hi to Trotsky.”

 

Categories: Books & Flicks | 1 Comment

Beauty Found In Tragedy

Beauty Found in Tragedy

 

When I was a reporter at the Monterey Herald, part of my job was to type up obituaries for the newspaper. One slow Saturday, I came across two obituaries with the same last name. It turned out that an older couple had died within twenty-four hours of one another, leaving ten adult children behind.

I started digging around and found that the wife had a stroke and died in her bed. The husband, upon seeing her body carried out of the bedroom, suffered a heart attack and died a day later in the hospital.

I did a little more research and found that occasionally people do die after they lose a loved one. A few doctors I spoke with said they believe it is possible for someone to die of a broken heart. I called the contact number on the obituary and reached the couple’s daughter-in-law. I told her I wanted to do a story about her in-laws. She told me to meet her at the wake the next day.

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I stood pressed against a wall in the living room as mourners filed past me. Most ignored me, but occasionally someone would shoot a questioning glance my way. One woman with dark hair glared at me as she walked past.

My hostess, the daughter-in-law of the deceased, had planted me there, saying she’d be back in a minute. It has been twenty minutes, at least. Finally, the daughter-in-law returned.

“Sorry about that,” she said. “Let’s go into a bedroom and I’ll gather some people to talk to you.”

In the bedroom, about fifteen people gathered around me – the couple’s children and spouses. The dark-haired woman who had glared at me earlier was with them. It turns out she was the youngest daughter of the couple. I waited for them to settle in and then introduced myself.

“I’m here to write a story about your parents. I want to let people know about them and their great love story. I talked to some doctor’s and they said that they truly believe some people die of a broken heart. It sounds like that’s what happened to your father. I’m so sorry to bother you right now, but I want to let people know about them and their great love.”

Silence.

Finally, someone began to talk. Then, after a moment, others chimed in, laughing and crying as they shared heartwarming stories and memories about their parents.

The dark-haired daughter continued to glare at me the entire time. One of her siblings tried to prod her into talking but she said, “I’m not telling HER anything.”

I could have crawled into a hole, but I kept at it until I had what I thought I needed.

I went back and wrote a story about these amazing parents who came over from Mexico and spent thirty years picking lettuce in the fields, backbreaking work so they could send four of their children to medical school to become doctors. They created a loving family and environment and were the heart and soul of this giant family that was so devastated by their loss. I left the house feeling as if this family were truly blessed for having had such amazing parents.

About a week later, I was at my desk opening my mail when I opened a thank you card. This is what it said to the best of my memory:

“Thank you so much for writing that story about my parents. As you noticed, I initially didn’t want to talk to you and didn’t want you in our house, but I’m so glad you were there. Your article is something our family will treasure forever.”

It was from the dark-haired daughter.

And, that is just one example of why I loved the crime beat. Because despite the horrors of reporting on the seedy and tragic parts of life, there were also moments of beauty and love that I never would have encountered otherwise.

 

(for A)

 

Categories: The Writing Life | 9 Comments

Christmas Gift Guide for Kids – Timeless

Many years ago when I had my first baby and was taking an Early Childhood Family Education Class (ECFE) here in Minneapolis, the adviser passed out this article photocopied for us. Thanks to Kristin for reminding me about it:

 

Star Tribune 12/24/89 – Pat Gardner “Tender Years”

The weeks of hectic preparation are coming to a close. Within days, the magic will begin to unfold for our children and, vicariously through them, for us. Just as we remember those wonderful Christmas Eves and mornings long ago, our children will one day look back on these days. How will they remember them? What are you giving your children this year?

I know one family of modest means that makes a great effort to celebrate Christmas in the best way possible. Their children always find five gifts under the tree. And more than that, the gifts are always accompanied by a parent. Here’s how they do it.

The children always receive a gift to hug and love. Sometimes it’s a doll or maybe a stuffed animal. Every Christmas each child has something to care for, to carry along and finally at night to share a bed, secrets and dreams.

The wise parents know that the children will themselves learn to care for others by practicing on dolls and stuffed animals. Mom and Dad demonstrate rocking the stuffed bear and wiping the doll’s face. They talk about being gentle and giving care.

More important, they treat their children tenderly. They make a special effort at this busy time of year for a little more lap time, more frequent hugs and all the physical care and attention their young children need.

The children in this family always receive something to read. The parents know that to give them books is to give them wings. The little ones get books, and the big ones get books. Books aren’t foreign to any member of this family. Books are treasures. And more than that, they become a daily connection between parent and child.

The wise parents know that the best way to raise a reader is to read to a child….They share curiosity. They take the time to listen patiently to their beginning reader. They share discoveries. Through books, these parents explore worlds within their home and beyond their front door with all of their children.

The children receive toys and games. These parents are concerned about each child’s skills and find fun ways to enhance their present capabilities and encourage further development. For a grasping baby, a crib gym; for a beginning walker, a push toy; for a pre-schooler, a shape and color sorter; for a beginning reader, a game of sequence and strategy.

The parents know that play is the work of childhood. They understand that to meet a child at her level of accomplishment is to encourage success in play. Success stimulates motivation and interest in a challenge. So the parents judge their toy and game choices carefully. Not too easy, but not too hard.

They they do the most important thing. They play with their children. The children see that learning is a toy, that it’s fun to challenge oneself, that play can be a very social activity, that it’s OK to win and also to lose and that Mom and Dad wholeheartedly approve of play.

The children in this family always receive a gift of activity. From a simple ball or jump rope to a basketball hoop or a pair of ice skates, they always have one gift that encourages action.

The parents know that those children who, by nature, are very active may need to be channeled into acceptable and appropriate activities. And they know that those children who, by nature, are very passive may need to be encouraged to move with purpose. But their message to their children is that physical activity is important and good.

These parents make their message clear by joining their children in physical play. They skate and play catch. They’re on the floor with their crawlers and walk hand in hand with their toddlers. They get bumped and bruised and laugh and shout. They sled and they bowl. And many times in the next few weeks when resting on the couch sounds much more inviting, these parents will give their kids one more gift. They’ll get up and play with them.

The children always receive a gift of artistic expression. They might find crayons, paints or markers in their stockings. It might be a gift of clay this year or rubber stamps or scissors and glue. The materials change, but the object remains the same: create with joy.

These wise parents aren’t terribly concerned about the mess of finger paints. They’re more concerned about the exposure to unique sensations. They want their children to use their imaginations. They want their children to approach life in a hands-on fashion. And they want them to express themselves through their artistic activities in ways that exceed their vocabularies.

Categories: Mothering | 4 Comments